Blue walls and Breaking down

I apologize for having taken such a long hiatus from blogging. I haven’t written a true blog in over a month. 51 days to be exact. Mostly because of an inevitable thing called writers block, but also because I’ve been working on a very exciting project (details to come at the end of this post!!). Writers block–it loves to nest in your mind at the most inconvenient of times, doesn’t it? While the unwanted guest makes room for himself on my couch, I still find myself writing. Writing about anything really. But those words held no meaning. They don’t even scratch the surface. So, with substantial certainty that this blog could end up occupying the same white space my other 9 un-drafted blogs are enjoying, I’m going to tell you about the color blue.

If you asked 20 people what their favorite color was, you’d get an array of answers. Some would say yellow–because it reminds them of the sun, a little girl might say sparkly pink–because all princesses LOVE the color pink, and another might say green like the grass. I’m assuming that because I mentioned the color blue about two sentences ago you would infer that if asked what my favorite color was I’d say blue–well, you’re wrong. In fact, my favorite color is pink. Cotton candy pink. But I’d be doing this blog no justice if I said that at one certain point in my life my favorite color wasn’t blue, because it was. Universally, the most common “favorite color” is in fact blue. Because blue is seen as a peaceful color, it’s calming, it is the color of the sky. News anchors are often said to wear a blue tie because it makes them seem more friendly and approachable. But I don’t equate blue to any positive feeling, I don’t feel vibes of friendliness from the color blue; I used to, my whole room was painted blue. I’d walk in and feel like I was on a cloud. Those clouds have dissipated leaving only me in an empty room. Truth be told, I’ve wallowed in that room for quite some time. I’ve let the loneliness swallow me whole. I’ve remained still and lifeless in that blue room for months while the world went on around me. I’ve waited for someone to open the white door that been crusted shut. I’ve waited for someone to come in with a sledgehammer and break down walls to get me out. While a little hope is good a lot of hope can be dangerous.

You think the people that care about you would be the ones breaking in, but when nobody does you realize that you’ll be trapped in that room forever if you don’t break down the blue walls yourself. You have to tend to your own garden. If nobody is there to save you then you’ll have to save yourself. For months, I sat in that blue room letting myself inhale the toxic gas that was being emitted while I continued to hang onto things that weren’t good for me. I wrapped myself around dead weight and expected it to drag me somewhere more meaningful. I shut people out, I locked my feelings in an imaginary safe and failed to remember the combination that would allow my feelings to pour out like a spilled drink. This past semester left me reflecting. Reflecting on things I could’ve done better–should’ve done better. I felt trapped for so long partially because of myself, partially because of others, and partially because I lacked faith that would ensure me freedom from a blue room. No more. I can’t let anxiety and depression consume me. It is not who I am. I will let myself feel, and I will be a better person for it. It is time for new beginnings. It is time to get up off the floor and open the door myself. I am breaking down my blue walls. You should do the same.

So that’s it. That’s all there is to it. My happiness is becoming a priority to me. Bigger and better things are coming (literally).

*So, if you didn’t already know (which I’m sure most of you do if you follow me on any social media platform) I’m working on a book. It is a YA (young adult) thriller. Exact details will be released later this year when I have started the editing process. But this book has been a long time coming. Becoming an author is something I’ve dreamt for myself since I learned how to write. Despite me changing my career path and major a ridiculous amount of times, becoming an author was the only true passion that remained constant. I’m so exhilarated and excited for the journey I am about to embark on. I have had so many people reach out and share their expressions of happiness towards me; I’ve had an even larger amount of people show their support in saying they would buy a copy of my book upon it’s release (which is hopefully December of 2019 or earlier next year). I truly can’t express how much everyones support means to me. I am so excited to take you guys along with me on this journey. I will be posting regular book updates including: when I officially finish the book, the editing process, pre-orders–when that time comes around, and so much more! If you would like, you can follow my instagram to stay updated. I will post mini updates with my blogs as I approach big milestones, but usually I only post 2-3 blogs a month so the updates won’t be consistent. Anyways, if you choose, you can follow me on instagram to stay updated, I’ll insert the link here ( Instagram ). Thank you again for all of the support. I hope you all have a lovely day, here’s to finishing out 2018 strong!!*



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