*Just a warning that this may be triggering for some people. This blog is focused on mental health and suicide, so if you feel like this will be too much you do not have to read it. *
In the midst of yet another suicide I can’t help but think back to a time when I felt hopelessly lost and alone. Honestly, if it hadn’t been for one person and a 2 hour phone-call to the suicide hotline, I don’t know if I’d still be sitting here today.
Mental health is something so many people disregard. I’m tagged as the “quiet friend.” And I don’t digress because I am. The thing about being the quiet friend is that people fail to check on you. Quite often they fail to check on you I might add. Because being the quiet friend means that you don’t open up, you don’t share your feelings. You keep them so bottled up that if one more piece of anything goes into that bottle–it’ll implode. I’m learning better coping styles so that I don’t obliterate everything in my wake, but some individuals don’t know how to do that. And you have people telling you “I’ll be here for you,” but on the worst night of my life I only had one person there for me. And if he wasn’t, I would not be here now. See I’m not writing this blog to attack anyone and I’m not writing it to get people to feel sorry for me–I don’t need that. I’m writing it for awareness. You, the reader, have friends that need you. Maybe it’s your quiet friend, maybe it’s the one that seems so effortlessly happy and put together all of the time. Either way, they need you. Because nobody is “ok” all of the time. This past semester I’ve felt lonely. It was a reoccurring feeling. A dark cloud loomed over my head everywhere I went. That feeling never dissipated until the very last month of the semester. I think back to the many times where I’ve said the words “I want to kill myself,” and the response was “same.” I’m guilty of saying that too, jokingly. Because I’m a college kid and college sucks sometimes. But mental illness is real, and It’s not a joke–it should be taken seriously. I’ve said those words and I didn’t want to hear someone say “same,” I wanted to hear “what’s wrong?” I wanted someone to care that I was hurting so bad that I wanted to take my own life. And I can’t help but think that I’ve done the same to someone else. Our response to things as such should not be “same.” Suicide is not a joke. It should not be taken lightly.
People are hurting and nobody is there for them. Nobody hears their silent screams. And as a friend you should be able to hear them. You should know that sometimes your friend is not just “ok,” and that the “I want to kill myself” should be taken seriously. Please pay attention to your friends, to your family, your boyfriend/girlfriend. They may be silent, but their screams are loud. Reach out to someone on social media if you notice that they seem down. Let people know you’re there for them. A simple phone call can have all the difference. As the writer, I don’t know all of my readers, but each and every one of you are important to me. If any of you feel alone, lost, whatever it may be–I’m here for you too. You don’t have to do anything alone. Reach out to me, I’ll listen. I know what it feels like to be drawn to the end. I don’t want that for any of you. So please reach out to me, and if you’re reading this whoever you may be, check on your friends. Let them know that they don’t always have to be “ok.” Just simply be there for people. It will mean more than you know.